


Frozen

by Saniika



Series: Yuki-onna AU [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, Japanese Folklore, M/M, Mild Blood, Other, Vampirism, Youkai, Yuki-Onna - Freeform, death of minor OC, light blood, mention of injury, minor oc Harada, yuki-onna au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-23
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-12-06 03:04:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11591601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saniika/pseuds/Saniika
Summary: Yuuri works hard to become a dancer. However the ill fate leads him to a ruined cabin in snowstorm, where a youkai - Yuki-onna - stumbles upon him.Death is certain... or isn't it?





	1. How can life be what you want it to be

**Author's Note:**

> This was beta-ed by fantastic [Qwertzu](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Qwertzu/pseuds/Qwertzu) and [Olosta](https://archiveofourown.org/users/olosta/profile).
> 
> [Yuki-onna](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yuki-onna) varies from tale to tale. Sometimes she is simply satisfied to see a victim die. Other times, she is more vampiric, draining her victims' blood or "life force." She occasionally takes on a succubus-like manner, preying on weak-willed men to drain or freeze them through sex or a kiss.
> 
> I've chosen this version of her, where she drains blood and life force. There will be mention of death but it's not graphic.
> 
> [Schochu](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sh%C5%8Dch%C5%AB) \- is a Japanese distilled beverage less than 45% alcohol by volume. Sake seemed like obvious choice, but it's weaker than I thought.
> 
> I use _they_ as pronoun for Yuki-onna as youkai are essentially gender less. You are free to choose or think of them as you prefer.
> 
> \--  
> Yakucchou from tumblr has made a moodboard for this fanfiction - thank you so much!! You can see is [here](http://yakoucchu.tumblr.com/post/163921657030/%C5%A7%D0%B3z%D1%94%E0%B8%A0-aesthetic-for-the-victuuri).  
> [Gamira18](http://archiveofourown.org/users/gamira18/profile) made illustration of Yuki-Onna. You can see it [here](https://gamesgeary-18.tumblr.com/post/166103132945/so-i-was-not-really-planning-on-doing-anything-for) and [here](https://gamesgeary-18.tumblr.com/post/166104706455/the-other-version-i-dont-know-which-i-like)

Minako is a kind person. Far kinder and more patient than Yuuri deserves. She can deal with a lot and tonight is no different. Yuuri is looking forward to today - he is supposed to have an audition and join the dancing group. If he were accepted, he’d dance for the local serf lord… and maybe one day present his skill on the stage in front of the emperor himself. His family, and especially Minako, had said so. It feels like their belief alone would bring him to the capital and diminish his worries which were rising to the top.

 

Yet Yuuri will do none of that. Not because he can’t conquer his anxiety or stage fright. He won’t dance because he can’t walk. He is rushing in the morning, excited to shine in the audition, yet his star falls and burns before it can make it to the skyline. A carriage driven by a miserable servant strikes Yuuri on the road. His head barely avoids being cracked open but his leg doesn’t have a chance to withstand the crushing force. The dancer’s foot is mangled almost to a pulp. The drunk vassal throws a brief glance at him from the carriage, along with a few coins that land in the mud. A low-class peasant like Yuuri is actually very lucky and should be thankful for such treatment. Someone like him in this situation can’t hope for a more generous compensation.

 

After the crash he is quickly brought home where Mari tends to him in tears. Pale faced, his parents prepare a backpack and a crutch for Yuuri. He has to travel to the other side of the mountain, as that is where the nearest physician lives. His family has to stay behind because a group of royals decided to stay at their establishment and throw a lavish celebration. Minako doesn’t shed a tear but dons the robe for the night’s performance at the onsen – she takes Yuuri’s place, abandoning a role of the teacher to shine as a dancer again. Every hand is needed and they even have to call the neighbours to help with serving the many guests. The local carpenter offers to take Yuuri to the physician.

 

Yuuri can’t stop the dam of tears from overflowing, first because of the pain and now - as he and the man travel in the mountains – because of the loss of his dream. His leg, now in splinters, is swinging in the air, the loud crunches of their steps crackle through the evening air. Yuuri doesn’t look at the trees bending under the heavy load of snow and doesn’t say anything during this grievous quest. Yuuri cries, but neither of them says anything, as there are no words to be said. This kind of pain can be barely dealt with in silence as no amount of words could alleviate it.

 

Somewhere in the back of his mind Yuuri is thankful to Harada for carrying him on his back when Yuuri tires of walking and doesn’t say anything. The man’s whole family has to work at the onsen and he could be helping there, taking off some burden. Instead, he is helping Yuuri’s family like this. Yuuri clings to his back, his head wobbling in the drugged daze and with the passing hour he falls asleep.

 

When he wakes up, they are in a forgotten, dilapidated cabin, long abandoned by its last occupants. Deep in the woods a storm caught the two travelers and though Harada’s resolve is strong, he isn’t a fool to test the force of nature. They have to stay in the shelter for the night and Harada falls asleep, exhausted. He asks Yuuri only once if he is alright.

 

“Yuuri, can you manage while I sleep? Wake me up if you need anything.”

 

Yuuri doesn’t want to be cross with him but the anger and frustration combined with the numbing effect of the drugs wearing off make him speak harsher than he wants.

 

“Go to sleep! I can take care of myself! It’s not like I can do anything besides sleeping anyway.”

 

Harada doesn’t fight him and Yuuri knows he understands. As he watches his back under the thick blanket and the small fire flickering in the tiny room, Yuuri searches their bag and finds a bottle of schochu. He gets drunk as he drinks half of it but it doesn’t stop him from finishing it off. The torn shoji door and windows rap in the blizzard and the howling wind passes through every nook and cranny of the small lodging. Yuuri shivers. Suddenly the door blows open, snow flying inside and immediately covering the floor. The fire goes out in a whisper and Yuuri can almost hear the blow of air coming from human lips as when they send the flame of a candle to sleep. The smoke writhes away in the darkness and Yuuri looks through the flying snowflakes, momentarily blinded.

 

A beautiful being rises above Harada. It’s not standing, it seems like it’s hovering, clad in pristine white kimono flowing in the air. The wind suddenly dies away and the air is still, so it’s impossible for the robes to move, but they do - along with the long silver hair swirling around the person. Yuuri wonders if his vision is failing because the image keeps flickering like reflection in the water. The person falls on Harada who sighs. The sound reminds Yuuri of the noise he had heard from the bathing room as a boy when their maid had sex with a rich guest. The gasp is guttural but short, then Harada’s body relaxes and falls heavy like a log to the ground. Only then Yuuri notices it was arched like a bow in ecstasy.

 

The rush of alcohol still makes his thoughts wild and his cheeks burn, so he doesn’t question it when the person turns to him and he can finally see them in their full glory. Their lips are glistening scarlet with blood. Few droplets fall onto the loosely tied kimono, seep into the fabric and evaporate without a trace. Gentle yet sharply cut face appears from the shadow. The hole in the roof lets the moonlight in and conjures a perfect image of an androgynous person, a ghost.

 

“Yuki-onna…” Yuuri whispers in amazement, utterly enthralled. Their eyes meet. Brilliant turquoise with deep blue shadow pins him down and in a wink the youkai is towering above Yuuri, pressing their freezing hands on his neck. An inhuman flash crosses over the ghost’s face. Even in their anger they are beautiful. Yuuri doesn’t hesitate to says so.

 

“You are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen.”

 

The grip on his neck loosens a little and once he sees the wonder in the cold beauty he dares to speak more.

 

“Please take me quickly, take away the pain. I want to die by your hands with a little pleasure if I can. I couldn’t be more thankful for such end. I want to make a selfish request, as my dying wish.” Yuuri wraps his palms around the frail looking but strong wrists.

 

A strange glint in the blue eyes is his answer and a short exhale covering them in mist. “Speak, human. I shall grant your wish, for you are braver than most who face their death and you are also wise to recognize my beauty.”

 

Yuuri feels the frost bite, seeping into his skin from the dead arms, growing in intensity as the being speaks. Yet he doesn’t falter.

“I’ve heard tales of your appearances and how beautiful you are. But I’ve never heard anyone speak about your dance. I want to see you dance and to join you. I was supposed to become a dancer for the emperor, but my leg is crushed. Make the pain go away and be my partner for one dance. That’s all I ask for and hope for. After that you can kill me. Please.”

 

The ghost’s eyes widen in surprise and a bit of warmth blooms on their cheeks. The freezing hands leave Yuuri’s neck and touch his leg. The splinters are gone, no pain is left and Yuuri is raised to his feet in Yuki-onna’s embrace. They dance, glide in the air. They need no music. The youkai’s hair and gown swirl around them with snow tongues building snowdrifts. Yuuri doesn’t feel cold, quite the contrary. The joy from being able to dance gives him wings, as if he didn’t need the spirit’s magic to float, and he twists them in his arms, dips them in his embrace. Their limbs tangle in each other and mirth rings between them. Yuuri forgets he’s not dancing with a human. He is reminded of the reality after what feels like a moment, though it could have been hours. Yuki-onna comes to a slow stop and takes him in a firm grab, cradling his cheeks. Sharp nails dig into them, making Yuuri wince, and he can feel his leg starting to throb again in pain. The magic is wearing off; after all it was only for one dance. The ghost steals his attention, their eyes glimmering in the twilight of the room. There’s a fever reflected in their face and Yuuri can’t think of a moment when he has seen a greater hunger; it’s almost animalistic in nature.

 

Quiet voice cuts the potent silence. “I will not kill you, because you are beautiful. Your body makes music, it would be a shame to take your life. But you must swear you will never speak to anyone about what you saw tonight. If you break your oath I will find you and murder you in such a horrible way your family will never find your body.”

 

How strange, Yuuri should feel scared but it feels almost like a fervent proclamation of love. The yuki-onna steals his lips in a hungry kiss. He jolts when their fangs sink into his throat but then he feels only pleasure like he’s being carried on silk and clouds. He lets the darkness claim him.

 

***

 

The doctor couldn’t fix Yuuri’s leg as everyone expected. Harada’s death strikes everyone as a sad surprise. They bury him and mourn with honest tears. The onsen accepts his relatives as servants and the Katsukis grow again as a family. Yuuri is never the same after he returns, his bad leg leaving him aching when the weather changes, and when he uses it too much. He uses a crutch but avoids being seen by guests. No one is ashamed of him, his family doesn’t push him to be outgoing, but it’s natural for him to retreat. He carries both physical and inner pain and isn’t deaf to the whispers of the guests and neighbours. His talent and hard work over the years have brought him much recognition, but since his faith played out in vain, people assume there is bad luck sticking to his back and maybe there’s a harmful spirit latching on his life force as well. Therefore, due to their superstition as well as his own decision, he retreats from the society and grows to be a loner.

 

Until one day a stranger appears on their doorstep.


	2. Give yourself to me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has no beta. I apologize for any mistakes - plus posting this via phone so I hope it works.

At first glance you'd think the stranger who came as a guest was a woman. It was rather odd because he had short hair and pants instead of a kimono. Yuuri's mother Hiroko has at least shoulder length hair, but Victor-san has a long fringe almost teaching the tip of his nose and even shorter undercut. Such hairstyle is really a clear sign that he isn’t a woman. A week passed since he was invited to the onsen but the Katsukis still pause for a moment when they enter a room with Victor-san inside.

He appeared on a rainy day hiding under the roof of the adjacent stall. Hiroko offered him a shelter. She was the first to mistake him for a woman and because he looked so beautiful and carried himself with elegance, she assumed he's a noble, leading him to their best quarters. He was quick to fix the misunderstanding though.

"Please, I only need some place small to wait for the passing of the rain. I don't plan to stay longer than necessary. I appreciate your kindness, but I don't want to impose on you.”

Hiroko doesn't even wink and gently explains with her usual warmth.

"My dear, you're not local so you don't know. Rain like this stays for many days in autumn, just like snow does in winter. You won't make it far in this weather. Stay. Please? I insist!"

The traveler tries to fend of the offer for the last time with an awkward admission.

"You're very generous, but I am a poor peasant without a home and money. I couldn't afford to pay for a room, not to mention for the food."

Hiroko finally banishes any remaining obstacles with her following speech. Years later she confesses to Yuuri, she felt bewitched and urged to make the man stay at any cost.

"That's not an issue. We have many guests staying for the next following days and we are short handed at the moment. My son is down with a fever and I don’t have time to tend to him while taking care of my duties. Perhaps you can help us in exchange for the food and a place to sleep? Would you consider that?”

It’s only then when Victor exhales in surrender and it’s like his presence is soaked into the wooden floor boards and the beams on the walls. A strange air settles in the onsen. 

There isn’t much time for pleasantries, Hiroko gives him dry clothes and shows him the premises. He is instructed how to help in the kitchen and brings food to the banquet hall when it’s needed. He doesn't see the guests, the maid inside takes the refreshments from him and he’s back to the kitchen, repeating the cycle. Evening comes and Mari, along with the Haradas, tries to engage in passing small talk with Victor. They don’t pry but he tells them about being alone with no more family left, wandering and taking on the odd jobs as he’s needed. Sometimes relying on his healer skills.

At this Toshiya, the husband of Hiroko, perks up and asks if he’d be willing to help taking care of their son. Victor agrees and is led to a secluded room on the first floor. They are accompanied by a small family dog Vic-chan all along the way. He never leaves their side, scratching on the door and whining in despair. That's where Victor sees Yuuri Katsuki, drenched in sweat and hallucinating in his futon. He asks Toshiya to leave it up to him and takes over Yuuri’s care.

He holds onto his word the whole night, chasing away anyone who comes to inquire about how Yuuri is doing. He leaves his patient’s side only once. He boils the water in the kitchen and carries it personally back to Yuuri’s room with the towels and the herbs.

The physician from the other side of the mountain did the best he could, but Yuuri’s leg never healed well, making the young man prone to infection and fevers. The Katsukis have no means to take Yuuri to the capitol, nor to pay for the highly sought after specialist that could alleviate his condition. Therefore, Yuuri’s leg is swollen from the knee down to his toes and carved with scars and scabs. It's painted in purple and makes the onlooker hurt just by watching. Victor accompanied by the small poodle, gets to work.

Yuuri wakes up in the middle of the night from his haze and vaguely remembers Vic-chan licking his face, cool hands pressing against his calves - making them burn from the frostbite at first and then the pain dissipating away. Last memory he has are two blue stars shining on the horizon, leading his way from the battle with the death.

In the morning he sees them again. A stranger lays beside his futon on the floor dressed in the green jinbei and Vic-chan is curled up underneath his arm. The man stirs, brushes his hair away from his forehead and gifts Yuuri the earnest and most bashful smile he’d ever seen. He recognizes the stars as the man’s eyes. The voice Yuuri hears from his lips sounds familiar but he can't place the memory.

“Hello. Do you feel better?”

“Hello.” Yuuri answers on the reflex but pauses, thinking on his condition. He peeks under the cover on his leg, flexes it carefully and answers in a wonder. “Yes, I… do feel better.”

The stranger smiles brighter, recoils from his position and points to Yuuri’s limb. “May I see?” Yuuri pulls the covers away and lets him examine his foot. He feels the cold fingers on his skin as the man touches it and takes the chance to examine him up close.

The man looks young despite his silver hair. His body and skin is kept well and he moves with a grace. He can’t tell what status he is of since he wears clothing they give to the guests in the onsen. He observes him with more interest. His fringe is falling over his eye of bright color and the short hair on the back of his head compliments the alluring shape of his nape. 

When he turns to Yuuri, he asks the lingering question on his mind. “Who are you?” 

The man watches him for a while as if he was searching for something in Yuuri’s face and then he answers.

“I'm nobody important, but I came to heal your leg.” Yuuri notices the dark circles under his eyes too late. The man sways like a frail leaf in the wind and Yuuri catches him in his arms before he falls onto the futon. 

The man turns in his arms without a hint of shame and adds coyly: “Perhaps I need to rest before I continue in my task? Will you grant me that?”

Yuuri finds in surprise he doesn't mind the proximity or this intimate situation. Instead, he cards the man's silver locks and looks into the tired blue eyes. He feels like a star has fallen into his lap over the night.

“Of course. Please. Rest to your heart's content.” He says and covers the man beside him so he can sleep comfortably after the exhausting night.

Over the coming week he discovers the stranger's name is Victor, his story of his dead family and the lonely travel. He gets to know a lot more about him. Victor always lingers nearby Yuuri, wants to know everything about Yuuri as much as he can and doesn't mind his quiet nature nor superstitious people surrounding him. Quite the contrary, Victor doesn't look like he notices them at all, for his eyes always linger on the younger man. 

Once the influx of guests declines and things start to settle down, the personnel of the onsen initiates a deeper cleaning of the house. The higher income lifts the spirit of Yutopias residents and Mari says a remark while cleaning the baths in a merry mood: “You look upon Yuuri as his devoted husband!” 

Later that evening when Victor changes Yuuri’s bandages and spreads a freshly prepared poultice over his shin, Yuuri learns one more thing about Victor.

The man, whom he let come so close to him, takes Yuuri’s hand and grabs it firmly emphasizing his words: “There is only one thing I regret.”

Yuuri is worried when he sees Victor. He is important to him despite the short time they shared and that's why he doesn't wait to get to the route of what’s troubling Victor. He gasps: “And what is that?”

“What Mari said, that it's not true.”

Yuuri doesn't think in that moment and it's almost like he’s possessed. He blurts out, clutching Victor’s hand. “It can become the truth. If...if you’ll have me.”

Only when Victor kisses him, Yuuri finally believes that he's not dreaming and that the mysterious traveler fell in love with him.

Victor stays in the Yutopia and they marry few months after in winter. A relentless blizzard is raging in Hasetsu during the wedding.

The next morning the neighbours find the calf in the stall dead frozen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small trivia: Originally it was supposed to be Minako who dies in the lodge, but Qwertzu convinced me to use an OC Harada. Therefore at the end of this chapter it's a calf that dies and not Vic-chan. I'm so weak ;; haha


	3. You only see what your eyes want to see

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has no beta. I apologize for any mistakes. This is turning longer than I want. Chapter count has changed.
> 
> Please note the rating of the story changed and added tags.

Not much changes. Yuuri’s leg is still bad but his days are a lot more bearable. Because Victor tends to him on a regular basis, his condition has greatly improved. So much that he can hobble around the private rooms without the help of his crutch. But it's not just the leg, it's his mind as well. The physical pain retreats and leaves room for pleasant thoughts. Yuuri joins his family for meals like he used to in past, and even if no one says anything about it, they are secretly excited. Hiroko looks very accomplished, finally having the table completely surrounded by the whole family. When Hiroko is happy, Toshiya walks a little straighter and puffs out his chest in pride only as a husband in a harmonious marriage can. 

Victor is tired in the mornings, he takes a while getting ready in the bathroom. When asked he's claiming he didn't sleep well. His excuse is that he ate something which didn't agree with him or that he had a few too many drinks the evening before. Yuuri doesn't know if it's the truth because he slips into the sweet oblivion the moment they lay down on the futon. Yuuri feels so at ease around him, that Victor’s presence is enough for Yuuri to slip into unconsciousness. No one could blame him, Victor doesn't change his habits regardless of their honeymoon phase being over. If it is even possible, the display of his affection grows in magnitude and a year after the wedding Yuuri still finds his world shaken like after an earthquake. A simple glance at his husband steals his breath away.

Victor is like a thunder during storm, overshadowing all intrusive thoughts of self doubt Yuuri might have. Just like the river breaking from its flume, Victor’s love ripples out and Yuuri is flooded by his affection. Victor’s hands are - everywhere - resting on the small of his back or gently touching his shoulder. Their hips bump into each other when they sit side by side. 

And when Yuuri gets that faraway look in his eyes he finds himself pinned down like a butterfly by Victor’s eyes and smile. His gaze is kind but ever so watchful. 

“What does my husband think about so earnestly, that he leaves us all outside of his dream world?” He asks usually with no scorn or malice. Victor is kind and attentive. Yuuri asks him every now and then in the darkness of their room as they are wrapped in each other’s arms.

“Are you happy with me?”

A chuckle tickles his neck as Victor’s face is nesting there, showering his collarbone with small kisses. Yuuri hums in approval but smacks him on the shoulder, demanding his answer. He's long figured out Victor’s avoidance maneuvers. His husband purrs out an answer like a lazy cat stirred from its sleep.

“Am I not convincing you enough if you need to ask me that?” He braces himself on elbows bracketing Yuuri between them and traces his thumbs on the outline of Yuuri’s jaw. But the amused smile disappears from his lips when he sees Yuuri’s frown.

“I am serious. Don't take me lightly.”

“I am. Taking you. Very seriously.” The older man counterpoints each interruption with a kiss on Yuuri’s chin drawing a path like a treasure hungry explorer on a map. Yet he's put to a halt with strong hands pressing into his shoulders and Yuuri’s decisive stare, close before he reaches the sweet reward. Yuuri is very stubborn when he puts something in his mind and tonight doesn't seem to be any different. Victor knows he has to listen carefully.

“You are so tired in the mornings, are you pushing yourself too hard?” Yuuri tests the ground gently.

“Of course not! I'm only doing what any proper husband would do when marrying into a new family.” Victor huffs in a light-heart manner and is quick to lean forward with the intent to steal a proper kiss from Yuuri.

The fingertips pressing on his lips put him to a stop again. But it startles Victor less than the Yuuri’s troubled expression.

“Vitenka, you have dark circles under your eyes. I'm worried…”

Victor takes a deep breath and kisses Yuuri’s fingertips. He lays his head on Yuuri’s chest right across his heart and Yuuri can feel the vibrations of his voice carrying into his ribcage. It conveys a tinge of doubt and insecurity, which is not typical of Victor.

“Do I look that bad? I thought I'm doing you justice as a good and a beautiful husband. You deserve nothing less.”

A hand caresses Victor’s back with gentle strokes and Yuuri adjusts the cover around them, making sure Victor is tucked in and not cold.

“Of course you are beautiful as ever. And you are so good to me. I don't need you to do anything to please me. Just... be yourself. That's the only thing I’d ask from you as my husband. Please be kinder to yourself. Can you promise me that?” Yuuri tilts Victor’s chin up and cups his face. It means a lot to Yuuri and Victor’s heart trembles a little bit, because Yuuri is asking him for something the first time. Even if it’s not directly for Yuuri, it’s still a request.

He is a little overwhelmed and hides his face in Yuuri’s palm. He rests his forehead on Yuuri’s chest and feels fingers carding through his hair. He knows the younger man is waiting for an answer, but he also notices his body is growing heavier and his movements slower.

“How is your leg tonight?” Victor asks.

“It’s hurting a little bit. I think it will snow in the morning, I can feel it in my ankle.” Yuuri pokes in between Victor’s eyebrows as he sees his husband frowning in concentration. Victor looks at him intently and then finally answers the question.

“Alright. I will take better care of myself, but I won’t do any less for you.” Victor’s hands slip under the futon and sprawl on Yuuri’s knees, dipping to the tender flesh of his calves. Yuuri shudders, but his limbs relax even more and in a short time he mumbles: “So nice, so cool.”

Victor watches his husbands face - the eyelids slipping shut and mouth parting slightly. The soft and steady breathing are the signs that he drifted of finally. Victor stays up a while longer, tucks him in and when the moon is up high, he leaves the bedroom.

The next morning when everyone wakes up there is so much snow, that they have to shovel it away for a good hour to clear the entrance of the onsen.

Yuuri feels a lot better as well, Victor is not in the bed when he wakes up. So he rushes to the common room, where he’s greeted by his parents. Hiroko is telling Toshiya worriedly about the neighbors. They lost another calf.

“It is very odd, especially after the snow fall. It wasn’t so cold, but Miss Shimada swears the calf was frozen to the bone. The cows didn’t give any milk this morning either… so strange.”

Yuuri doesn’t pay much attention to the talk, instead he goes to the kitchen and asks Mari if she saw his husband. She doesn’t know and offers him breakfast. They don’t have to rush, because there are no guests in the onsen for few coming days, so he eats with her. Yuuri is puzzled and decides to go have a soak. On the way there, he asks the Harada’s to let him know once Victor appears.

When he’s undressing he’s touching his leg, prodding it and massaging carefully the tender skin and muscle. The bone healed unevenly, but since Victor came to their house and into Yuuri’s life, Yuuri’s health improved greatly. It’s a foolish thought, but Victor’s hands feel like magic. They are cool as on command and take his pain away alone with a single touch. Victor didn’t say anything, but Yuuri almost thinks Victor is determined to heal his leg completely. 

Yuuri dips into the warm water and settled back onto the rocks, thinking on one afternoon, when he overheard a seemingly unimportant conversation.

With the Haradas and Victor helping in the onsen, Toshiya didn’t have as much work to do and he mentioned that Yuuri could use a new crutch. Victor surprised all in the room, when he cut in the discourse with a bit louder voice than he usually speaks with. 

“Yuuri doesn’t need a crutch. He can walk better now!” He didn't excuse himself after the outburst, when it came to Yuuri his husband was little too protective of him.

“Of course he can... You are right, he doesn’t need a crutch anymore. Maybe a walking stick for the bad days would be better though? You healed him better than any doctor could. And we are very thankful for it.” Toshiya assured Victor with kindness and offered him tea. Victor mumbled a quieter response so Yuuri could barely hear it, hiding behind the shoji door. 

“Yuuri doesn’t like a walking aid. I don’t want to make him feel more uncomfortable than he already does.”

“Yes, no one wants that. In the meantime I’ll find a pretty branch and maybe you can help me design a pattern I can carve in it?”

Yuuri didn’t stay longer to spy on the converdsaton and left the hallway. 

Now reclining in the water he thinks back on Victor’s tone. He knows Victor cares about him deeply, Victor doesn’t pity Yuuri. But his quiet worry makes Yuuri feel ashamed and weak. It reminds him of how he failed and lost a dream he worked so hard towards to. His family doesn’t press him to talk about it and Victor never asks. Yuuri is sure his mother told him about it, but left it up to Yuuri himself to share more. And Victor is waiting patiently, doing whatever he sees on Yuuri’s eyes as if he lived to fulfill his every hearts desire. Yet he doesn’t ask. Yuuri is not ready. In more ways than one. They are very close to each other, but there is a quiet understanding among them not to dwell into certain subjects. Perhaps Victor knows better than Yuuri, when and how much, to press. 

They share lot of kisses and caresses. When Yuuri feels the hardness of Victor pressing onto his thigh, he palms over his heat until Victor breathes shallow with effort. Yuuri earns for Victor badly, but the more he is excited the more he invest himself into bringing Victor to the edge and ignoring his own satisfaction. He willingly disregards his husbands pleas and avoids his attempts on reciprocating.

He worked so hard on his dancer career that he didn’t have time to look around for any love interest or try anything sexually physical. He didn’t think about it, all there was on his mind was dancing. Victor was his first kiss and first everything. 

Yet he manages to make Victor’s hands tremble and grab onto Yuuri’s clothes. Victor tries to reach Yuuri, but gets distracted by the sensations that Yuuri’s nimble fingers cause to his body. Victor crumbles with such ease in his hands that Yuuri is still surprised about it. Once he’s about to tip over the edge he clings to Yuuri’s embrace as close as possible, breathing in Yuuri’s scent. 

Yuuri is mesmerized and watches on, when Victor stiffens and calls his name with a flush on his pale face. Once he falls on Yuuri, he pets the silver locks gently and feels a shy kiss on his own collarbone. Then Victor lifts his weight off of him and disappears from the room to clean himself. By the time he returns, Yuuri is turned away from the door, pretending to be asleep. 

They don’t speak about it in the morning, but Yuuri knows it’s bothering Victor. Yuuri feels broken, incomplete and is worried if he’s giving Victor what he deserves. He knows it’s cowardly to avoid Victor’s advances because his own insecurities like this, but on the other hand the adoration on Victor’s face makes Yuuri repeat the same mistake over and again. When Yuuri sees him like that, he wants to make him melt and lose himself in the pleasure. Perhaps Yuuri finds his own satisfaction in giving to Victor more than in receiving.

“Yuuri?” Victor’s voice intrudes in his thoughts and Yuuri jolts to attention. He’s sluggish though and watches with great effort how his husband enters and steps closer to the edge of the hot spring. Victor doesn’t like the warm water and prefers cooler showers. One more oddity to add to his persona accompanying the pale hair, fair skin and brilliant blue eyes. 

Yuuri sees how Victor hovers nearby and moves his mouth to greet him, but hears no voice coming out. He can’t hear Victor, but it looks like he’s shouting. Why does he feel so sluggish? Oh, no. Was he in the water too long? He makes the effort to detach from the rock he’s sitting on, but feels dizzy. He’s swooning and falls into the water. The heat envelopes him, it feels scalding hot, but Yuuri can’t move for all he tries. His bad leg twists and shoots terrible pain to his whole body.

Then he hears something after all, it’s shouting which is muted. Water, crushing around like strong waves hitting the seashore during a storm, is splashing around. Arms wrap about his body and then he’s on the hard platform out of the water, coming to his senses.

Victor is standing in the water and hangs over the edge, catching his breath. His face is twisted in pain and Yuuri notices his skin is flushed red. Angry welts are covering his hands and face where the fabric isn’t covering his body. Yuuri, still in a daze, wants to ask if Victor is alright, but the other man drags himself out of the water completely and shouts at Yuuri. 

“What were you doing! You grew up in the onsen, don’t you know it's dangerous to be in the water too long?! If I didn’t come after you, you’d drown!” 

He never saw Victor so angry and doesn’t know what to say. His clear mind is returning back, but the shock from the sight clouds his thoughts again. He swallows so he can answer, but is grabbed by Victor’s hands on his shoulders in almost a painful grip. Victor is shaking and even if he’s dripping wet and Yuuri can’t really tell, it looks like Victor is crying. 

Only when he chokes on a sob-broken words, Yuuri stares in amazement on the strong reaction. His face is twisted, the starlight hair clings to it like ugly wet tongues arranged in chaos. Elegant eyebrows crumpled in a frown.

“I… I thought I’m going to loose you...” Victor looks like he’s about to collapse under his own weight, his hands bending at his elbows. Yuuri gathers himself from the floor and reaches to him with intent to touch him, but is instead crushed in Victor’s embrace closer as in any intimate moment they shared before. The wet fabric of Victor’s jinbei allows a lot of contact, since it clings to the older man’s body. Yuuri feels him trembling and lets him cling to himself. He wraps his arms around Victor’s back and rocks him in the embrace until he stops crying. Victor calls Mari and they both help getting Yuuri inside.

Once inside their private quarters, Victor takes over issuing quiet commands. Yuuri’s leg is wrapped in a bandage and he’s dressed into dry clothes, raising his arms when he’s told. He speaks up only once asking about Victor’s comfort.

“What about you? Your clothes...” The tension is tangible, it’s clear the episode in the baths changed something between them, that will never let them go back to things as they were before.

Victor finished wordlessly, standing up and turns to leave with a change of clothes under his arm.

“Keep resting, I’ll be back shortly. I’ll go wash myself.”

Yuuri waits for him and thinks about what happened. He was careless, but Victor’s reaction wasn’t appropriate. But when he was so scared for his safety, it’s hard to judge what was appropriate under such circumstances. Yuuri knows Victor cares about him deeply, they are married for a year. He shows Yuuri his affections on a daily basis. But this… this is like a punch in his face, delivering the final blow of realization.

Victor loves him. Heat similar to lava pours inside his heart and Yuuri feels vulnerable and soft. It’s uncomfortable, it makes him feel weak. But he is happy. Happier than he ever was. The shoji door opens startling him from sorting through his emotions and Victor enters the room.

He’s ashamed, shying away from approaching Yuuri and Yuuri finds that strangely empowering. So he reaches for the man’s hand and lets his pam slide from Victor’s wrist down over the back of his hand, whispering in secretive and inviting tone.

“Victor...”

His husband meets his eyes in surprise and hesitation is still written over his features. “Your mother… she said, she’ll bring us lunch later and that we should… rest.”

Yuuri, feeling so strong, pulls Victor and leads his body down so they lay beside each other. “Yes.” He says and wanders with his eyes over Victor’s rash. He reaches out and traces the outline of a particularly angry looking one on Victor’s forearm. The other winces in pain.

“Does is hurt a lot?” He moves his finger further to the next one with more care.

“N-no… just a little bit. It’s...fine, it’s just the salt from the water. It doesn’t do me good.” Victor’s voice is tight and he sounds almost timid. He’s nervous, Yuuri realizes. It’s similar to the night when they shared their first hungry kisses.  
“Come here.” Yuuri whispers and lays back on the futon, pushing Victor’s head on his chest. Victor lets him and sinks into his arms with ease, hesitation leaving him bit by bit. Yuuri traces his palm over Victor’s chest, feeling the frantic beating of Victor’s heart. Yuuri wants this man so much to be happy. “I’m sorry I scared you. I will be more careful.” 

Victor’s head shoots up and his blue eyes widen in surprise. He looks pained and sorry, his lips tremble. He tries to collect himself and form a sentence but he visibly fails. Yuuri wants to give him everything he can tonight and therefor he caresses his cheek carefully around the bruise. He whispers gently.

“It’s going to be all alright. It’s fine.” He doesn’t know if it will be that case, but he says it anyway. Sometimes you need to be strong for the other person. Even if just for the moment, so they can gather their strength and rise again.

Victor tries hard and it reminds Yuuri of how he struggled himself. He never wants Victor to feel like he’s failing and will do all in his power to validate his worth to Yuuri. He brushes his nails in the short hair above Victor’s ear and draws a small arch with them over his neck ending on his shoulder. It seems to wake Victor from his state of shock and he blurts out.

“I love you.” 

And Yuuri can see it in his eyes, believes it and his hands itch. His fingers want to touch Victor all over, but his body also wants to be touched in return. “I know.” And it’s true, Yuuri does know. But tonight he’s going to make them feel the love in a bodily way. He feels so calm, that he doesn’t have any more hesitation. Victor rests his palms on Yuuri’s chest and winces again in pain. 

“So it does hurt a lot. Why don’t you take care of it?” He frowns in worry. Victor drops his gaze and whispers leaning onto him.

“I will.” He kisses Yuuri’s collarbone and Yuuri lets him, gliding his hands over Victor’s shoulders under the hem of the jinbei. It slides off with ease and Yuuri gasps with Victor’s tongue tasting his skin.

“Oh.” Yuuri takes Victor’s hand and leads it to his crotch, giving him a clear sign about what he wants tonight. When their fingers trace together Yuuri’s awakening desire, Victor crawls over his body so that he’s lying completely over him. He’s kissing Yuuri with open mouth on his jugular and laps at his clavicle. Then he whispers: “Forgive me.” 

Yuuri doesn’t understand what Victor means by that, because he wants him and made sure Victor knows he does. But any further thoughts dissipate with Victor’s fingers freeing and wrapping around him. Victor’s lips latch on his neck and Yuuri registers in the corner of his mind that Victor’s teeth press way too hard to his flesh. Overwhelming sensation washes over his body, it’s like he’s being touched by his husband all over and not just by his hand and mouth. It’s beyond anything he ever experienced, the self pleasure he practiced in past is only a paling memory. Heat flushes from his chest up, veins pulsate with rushing blood and a coil winds in his crotch. He is so lost in Victor’s hold he forgets to give back and his mind is asking in wonder if Victor experiences the same, when Yuuri touches him. It all comes so fast like a tidal wave that Yuuri can only gasp, almost choking. Victor grinds against him, his hot lips and tongue never leaving his neck and sucking so hard that Yuuri’s head is spinning.

“Victor! Ah!” It’s too much, so much. More than he can handle and he has to grasp onto Victor’s shoulder, rake his nails on his back. It’s a torture, but so good and intense he feels like a fool for denying this to himself. To them. His heart is about to burst through his chest, all the hurt and hesitation are drained from him. He has to tell Victor. “I love you!”

His lover presses on him with need and Victor’s thumb on his tip pushes Yuuri over the edge, that he comes screaming all over Victor’s palm. He’s racing with short breaths for air as his body still trembles in aftershocks. Victor rips away from his neck, gasping loud and licks his palm soiled with Yuuri’s release.

Yuuri doesn’t open his eyes in time to see how Victor wipes his lips. He doesn’t see the red blood glistening on his mouth being licked away by the hungry tongue, the gleam in Victor’s eyes. Nor how in the bright light of the day the rashes disappear from Victor’s skin, how it looks pristine and fair again.

He is so tired, that he drags Victor down onto his chest and clings to him as if he’d never let him go. His breathing is still labored, he feels moisture on his collarbone and stirs in Victor’s arms. Once again he asks his lover: “Are you happy with me?”

A short kiss is pressed over his heart and quiet answer falls onto it along with more wet drops. “Yes.”

His eyelids grow so heavy he can’t keep them open. He smiles and knows Victor sees it. “Then why are you crying?”

Victor falls over to his side, holding his hand and kisses his wrist with reverence. After a long kiss he answers: “It’s just the sudden realization that you... love me.”

The drowsiness is getting the better of him despite his best efforts to resist. Yuuri can’t understand why it’s such a case. It wasn’t his first fainting spell after too much time spent in the hot water. But he never came so hard either. He manages to mumble as the consciousness leaves him.

“Then you should get used to...it… quickly...”

“Why?” A chuckle comes from his side as Victor rests his head on the pillow, stroking his thumb in Yuuri’s palm.

“Because I’ll only...love you...more...”


	4. If I could melt your heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has no beta. I apologize for any mistakes. This is it, final chapter.

Four years pass. Hasetsu prospers and more people move into the area. New streets and houses grow from the ground up in couple of months bit by bit. More people means more establishments. The Katsukis are not worried in the slightest. As the oldest and biggest onsen in the town they have a steady clientele. The busy social life brings in more guests and they have to hire additional help. The Haradas alone are no longer able to keep up as servants.

More business means more money. It flows into their household and they manage to save up, renovate and add new rooms. Bit by bit the onsen turns into a ryokan. Rumor has it the Yutopia is blessed by the Zashiki-warashi. 

Hiroko is in the seventh heaven, she tends to the guests as the mistress of the house - okami - and can nurture her hospitality skills to the fullest. Toshiya gets to play a lot of Shogi and Go with new opponents, using his old tricks on his unsuspecting victims and challenging his mind with those, who don’t fall into his trap. Along the way he listens to their stories and the news from out of town. Mari indulges in composting haikus, their latest subject being a young blond boy that visited the onsen as a guest a month ago. After reading five ones before, it's easy to guess what the next haiku will be about. Each adores the brashness of its subject.

Yuuri is making paper fans, taking his time working on the guard and the sticks. He carves intricate shapes in the thin wood, makes his own paper for the leaf and paints pretty sceneries on them. Each one of them is unique and he personalizes them for its commissioner. It’s said in the town, that the fan is like a palm reading, disclosing your secrets and telling your story painted on the single leaf. One side is showing your present and the other your dreams. 

Bad tongues whisper that Katsuki Yuuri still dreams of his career as a dancer.. When they were poor he danced only with a simple colored fans, which he had to borrow. Now that he makes them, he can’t use them for a performance due to his crippled leg. Yet the gossipers visit their house, wanting to buy a fan, because Yuuri’s craftsmanship is able to caress the hardest souls, turning them soft.

Victor prepares a lot of poultice and the simpler herbal remedies. He is not an official physician and doesn’t want to pose as one. He claims he wants to dedicate his time to his family and his husband. The visitors who come to their doorstep seek out his advice on various health related issues and Victor kindly obliges.

Not only once Yuuri asks Victor not to take on any more clients and perhaps more often it’s Victor who has to shoo away politely an interested buyer of a fan.

They don’t do it for the money, there is no drive in Yutopia to get rich. The Katsukis want a comfortable life spent in peace tending to their own affairs. Their days pass by mostly quietly without much excitement. The Yutopia was always a social place with people coming and going. Its residents were dedicated to their hard work. The only difference from past is that they can indulge in more free time.

Victor and Yuuri work on their craft together in one room, keeping each other company. Mari comments on it at first, shaking her head and finds their behavior odd.

“Why don’t you use a room each on your own? How can you concentrate like that? Cooking the herbs and working with the paper, that doesn’t really work together, does it? It’s a hobby, why not indulge in it on your own and in private? How can you stick to each other all the time? Don't you need your own space once in awhile?”

They eat well that night, because it’s the fifth anniversary of Victor’s arrival. It's a private celebration. Yuuri narrows his eyes on Mari, the competitor, he can always count on in the household. She does wonders to his self control and trains his resilience.

“Mari, leave them alone. They are a young couple. It is their business what they’ll do in their free time.” Toshiya proclaims glancing from his unagi. She just cocks her eyebrow and blows out smoke out of her ornate pipe. It’s a vice her mother frowns upon, but occasionally she allows Mari to indulge in it. If the shoji door is open on a summer night and they watch the koi fish swimming in the little lake.

“Haha, young couple? I can’t tell them apart from you two. And you’ve been married for a decade without being so clingy! You’d think they are trying to make a baby.” Mari’s head is snatched into her mother’s embrace and her face is cushioned on Hiroko’s sizeable bosom. Hiroko doesn’t scold, she solves everything with love. Yuuri’s sister is powerless just like any other member of the Katsuki household within the care of her loving hands.

Yuuri chuckles and rests his eyes on Victor, who smiles gently. He wonder sometimes if Victor doesn’t miss his own family but the man shows so much love on his face when sitting among them, it’s hard to believe he misses anything. He also wonders about what Mari said. He to is stunned that they are so involved in each other for such a long time. It’s exciting and calm at the same time. His heart is racing and beats steady in Victor’s presence. It's a fascinating relationship just like looking into a kaleidoscope. He knows he will be surprised by each new patterns looking inside it, but never knows what the form it will take on. Victor loves to surprise. Especially Yuuri.

They make it work together. Mostly. When no customers come to seek out their services, the two men follow each other’s movements like two hungry tigers in a cage - accidents happen.

The precious paper, the ink and the finest brushes are thrown from the drawing table in the middle of the day with little care. The teacups and the snacks are forgotten on the plate near the door and any politeness is abandoned. Because, really, this is not how one should thank one’s husband for bringing one the refreshments. Yuuri bends Victor over the table top, hitches the man’s yukata above his waist and plants himself between his strong legs with mad urgency. Victor laughs at first but soon enough his thighs make Yuuri paint the table over with the misty thick release. His husband’s delicate fingers draw out sounds from him, which he needs to lock inside his throat. The moans turn into sobs, hiding behind his teeth. He bites hard his lower lip to keep his voice down.

No fans are finished on such days, on the contrary, quite a few get broken until the married couple is done satiating their thirst for each other.

Other times it’s Victor who sneaks his hand inside Yuuri’s pant leg, creeps it upwards over the back of Yuuri’s knee and in an blink of an eye Yuuri is debauched on the tatami floor under Victor’s weight, crushing all the dried herbs. They stick to his skin and cover it with green dust among Victor’s teeth and fingers, as the man kneads his buttocks. Victor unties his robe and the material shrills with a piercing noise from the friction, the belt sliding too fast. It cuts through the air of the room as emphasis of what’s to come. Yuuri chokes as their tender flesh meets skin on skin. Victor is not laughing nor gentle and Yuuri lets him ambush his body, stroking their hardness in his fist. They don't resist the passion or try to make it last. It's a race - a need - to sink into each other and Yuuri gapes his mouth open in a silent cry, hanging from Victor’s shoulders. His husband flicks his ear with the tongue and shudders violently, exhaling into the raven locks few strokes later.

No poultice is prepared that day. Week's worth of work is ruined in a heartbeat, the carefully laid out plants to dry on the rice paper turn after their antics into useless dust.

The couple doesn’t regret the loss, each encounter results in a long lazy cuddling. Only the growing worry about each other’s discomfort makes them untangle and they hesitantly clean up the mess. They kiss a lot in between as reward and laugh at what the desire makes them do. All the mess is worth it, because the most important thing is never kept out of their sight.

And that is spending time with each other, lavishing in the amorous encounters and appreciating the day to day life as well. But most of all, the care for each other without abandon.

When they lay in bed, ready for sleep, they chatter an hour longer than usual. Yuuri chuckles quietly and tries to initiate a serious topic, failing to act out the role. Victor figures out his partner is ticklish and he stops the torture only when Yuuri kicks his bad leg accidentally against Victor's shin. With laughter slowly dying on their lips Yuuri stares on Victor making him tense.

“Victor, I’ve been meaning to tell you this sooner. I’m worried. If we continue to make love like this…” He hesitates to continue and Victor freezes, worry radiating from his whole body. He grabs Yuuri’s biceps and inquiries frantically. “Are you hurt? Is your leg alright? Oh, no… I overdid it, didn't I? I’m so sorry, Yuuri! I will be careful in the future…”

Yuuri brushes away Victor’s fringe and cups his cheek. The man covers it with his palm and looks very sorry.

“Victor, you should be really careful with that zeal of yours.” Yuuri scans his face with the intent not to let him go. Victor’s lips are pressed in a thin line and he barely nods with remorse .

“Yes... I’ll practice restraint, I don't want to hurt you.” He looks on in confusion, because Yuuri tilts his head and snickers in blatant amusement. Yet he doesn't let go of Yuuri’s hand on his cheek, waiting for the explanation.

“Some restraint would be in order, but not because you're hurting me. If we continue like this... you’ll make me, a man, pregnant!”

It takes Victor only a moment to stare stupefied as Yuuri throws himself on the cushion, choking with laughter. But then he lounges himself on the smaller man and makes them roll in the sheets in a tickle fight.

“Yuuuuuri!!! What a trickster you have become! Taunting me like that! I’ve got so much love in store that it alone will make you pregnant! Let me try right away!” His fingers touch whatever naked skin on Yuuri they can and his laughter is all bubbly. “Oh, please, Yuuri - don’t cover yourself from me! I have seen everything before, aha!”

Their fight is disrupted by loud thuds coming from the floor. Mari is beating on the ceiling and Yuuri is sure he can hear her shouting that if they don't quiet down, she'll come up and will make both of them impotent.

It takes them a while to stop giggling, but they nest in each other’s arms and fall asleep with ease. A smile lingers on Yuuri’s face long after he drifts of in his dreams. He is so happy, he almost forgets about his condition. If not for the limitation in movements, he’d wouldn't notice his difference from other healthy people. He feels complete. Victor’s love might just as be enough motivation for Yuuri to finally take that last step towards practicing self love. He is starting to accept himself.

***

True to Hiroko’s words, the snowstorm gracing Hasetsu comes without any forewarning and makes such an entrance, that everyone is sure it’s going to stay long. 

A lord passing through the town sends his best men to relax at the onsen and the Katsukis are put into a similar situation as from five years ago. The dancer girls from Minako’s school are sick with flu and Minako is away, traveling on business. The soldiers are loud, demand the entertainment and Toshiya can only do so much with his biva reciting poetry. The family discusses the possibilities on the terrace. Hiroko worries that Victor is gone for too long. He went to take care of some urgent business earlier and is supposed to return soon but the weather is bad. It’s hard to see through all the falling snow. Walking out into the snowdrifts is like entering a white void. No light nor darkness all around, just the faint whispering of snowflakes like child’s breath lingers in the empty streets. Hasetsu turns into a deserted mountain overnight with people hiding at their homes, finding shelters from the forces of the nature. No one should be walking out there tonight as the strange twilight invites the unseen and inhuman.

Yuuri clenches his jaw and says nothing as he watches his nervous mother pace on the wooden boards. Mari smokes her pipe, also worried, mumbles aloud. She’d do it, but even if they managed to dress her up, she doesn’t know how to dance.

“I’d probably trip on my hem the moment I’d enter the room. And I bet the captain of the guards wouldn’t like that.”

He crumples his hakama in his fists and leaves them in a rush. No one follows him, they all know what is at stake. If one hosts a high ranking guest like this the reward is big, but the punishment just as well if you fail to please his request. A dance, the traditional kind with everything, counting the wardrobe and makeup in. That is the tonight’s wish.

Hiroko watches the gate in front of the Yutopia, hugging herself and straining her poor eyesight on the lookout for Victor. In the thick flurry of snowflakes a mirage appears in a form of shimmering white shadow. The two women on the porch wonder if it’s just illusion that the dancing snow tongues form in the wind, but the closer it comes, the clearer the image becomes. It’s Victor, wrapped in an overcoat, all covered in snow. He takes the cold well and doesn’t seem to suffer from the low temperature. But his smile falters as he sees his mother-in-law clutching her tiny palms in front of her chest. Mari dandling Vic-chan in her arms. The two Katsuki men nowhere in sight. Once Victor reaches the entrance Hiroko rushed them in, only to be met by a surprising sight.

Yuuri and Toshiya argue. The young man is tense as a bow and the older man approaches him insistently, trying to take the umbrella, meant for performance, away from him.

“Yuuri, you can’t. Your leg...” Toshiya tries once again, but his son has that determined look on his face like a stubborn mule. Once Yuuri makes a decision, he’ll go through it despite the consequences.

Victor startles as Hiroko’s soft fingers grab onto his and she pleads quietly.

“Vic-chan, please help Yuuri.” She doesn’t need to say more, Victor clutches her hand briefly and sends her a soft smile. All will be well.

“Don’t you worry, I won’t let him dance.”

And so Victor leads Yuuri to their private room, in the pretense to help him get ready. He watches his stiff shoulders as Yuuri unwraps boxes with the makeup and the accessories. He moves on memory, practiced ritual playing out in front of Victor. It ends when he lifts the lid of the wooden box. A beautiful pale kimono rests inside. Small blue flowers and cranes adorn the hem and fade into dark indigo edge. Yuuri doesn’t look at him when he asks for Victor’s assistance.

“Tonight wrap my leg as firm as you can, please. Maybe you could use a softer splinter to give it some support?” His voice tries to be strong, but it wavers on the edges. His hands tremble tracing the folded fabric, smoothing out the creases. Yuuri is brave, but not foolish. He didn’t try to dance since his accident and he knows his bad leg can barely last for a simple short walk. There is no telling what will happen once he’s dressed in his full dancing attire and performing the complicated choreography with fans and umbrella. Everyone will be watching. If he fails, they will all see and remember.

“Yes,” Victor says and pushes to Yuuri from behind. He slides his hands around Yuuri’s waist. The man doesn’t shy away, but his resolve shakes when Victor whispers against his ear shell. “I am envious, if I had known you keep such a beautiful kimono, I’d ask you to let me borrow it.” Yuuri leans back to him and chuckles lightly.

“I didn’t know you liked female kimonos. I would have given you this one, had I known you want it.”

“Mhhh. Did you know I can dance as well?” Victor nibbles on Yuuri’s ear, playing with his obi. Yuuri twists his head towards Victor and lets him whisper in his jaw.

“I am jealous. I don’t want anyone to see you dance tonight. I want to keep you hidden away from them.”

“Victor… I.” Yuuri looks up to his eyes and swallows hard, turmoil twisting his emotions. He knows Victor is teasing and is serious at the same time. The chance to dance is a blessing in disguise. Yuuri wishes he could take the reigns and steer his life once again. He also wants to run away, dreading the doom of failure. It feels like a slap across his face to be prodded by the offer to dance, yet being unable to. Possibly destroying the days of glory and last memory of successful dance.

“I wish you’d let me take your place. And then I want to make love to you on this kimono and make them all hear you're mine.”

Victor’s embrace is the sweetest torture that he can’t seem to resist. He wants to defend the family honor. Yet it is alluring to sink into Victor’s protective hold. To let him once again sweep Yuuri of his feet. 

The lips brush over his as Victor speaks and lets his tongue dart out to trace the soft opening. He leaves his hands in their place, but Yuuri feels like they crawl all over his body and can almost see himself on the discarded kimono under Victor.

“Yuuri… please.”

A charm spins a net around his mind and he hears himself agreeing. He dresses Victor and applies the makeup on him. They hold off of the wig, somehow it doesn’t work and takes away from Victor’s natural beauty. They settle on blue peacock kanzashi in his hair that compliments his eyes.

When they are about to leave the room, Yuuri stops Victor to admire him in private for the last time and holds his hands. Something inside Yuuri insists on keeping Victor here within his grasp. Intrusive thoughts buzzing that Victor might never return. When Victor looks at Yuuri in confusion, he presses a small black stone inside Victor’s palm - snowflake obsidian. 

“A stone of purity, providing balance for body, mind and spirit.” He closes Victor’s fingers around it and begs. “Please...” he doesn’t know exactly what he’s asking for. But Victor seems to understand, because he seals a reverent kiss on Yuuri’s forehead before he leaves to entertain the guests.

Once gone, Yuuri slides down on the floor unsure about what to do with himself. Everything seems to hurt just as much before Victor’s arrival. Disgustingly familiar loneliness wafts around him and he needs a while to compose himself. He doesn’t leave their room for the whole evening.

A lot later his mother reports that his husband has a great success and the soldiers are tame, behaving politely. They are so charmed by Victor that they are practically eating from his hand.

On instinct, Yuuri takes over for Mari and brings sake to the banquet room. He slides the shoji door open, the servant girl takes the tray with drinks inside. He doesn’t expect the sight he witnesses. 

Victor is dancing, almost floating like a sakura petal in the spring breeze. The sleeves follow his movements, drawing imaginary shapes around his body. He’s not Victor anymore, but a being who is on the crossroads between a man and a woman. The dance is so beautiful and flawless it makes Yuuri wish he could join him and share the performance. Not to please the guests, but to selfishly enjoy his presence and his dance floor, to become part of the art.

The fan flicks before Victor’s face and Yuuri is pulled from his trance, realizing the movements look otherworldly but something doesn’t fit to the image of the dancer. It’s not something a casual observer would catch, it requires a trained eye to spot the flaw. Victor’s face is doing what it should be. The eyebrow cocks - responding to the string’s tone in the melody. His lips purse as he turns towards the soldiers. His eyelashes tremble as he dips his head.

All too perfect but missing the essential - the emotion. Victor looks like a living doll with no soul, missing warmth of a human.

Yuuri closes the shoji door with trembling hands. The young man feels terrible, as if he saw what he shouldn’t have. The pale kimono lingering in front of his eyes as a branded image on the insides of his eyelids. The strange way Victor seemed to take a step and hover in the air for a little longer than it was humanly possible - it reminds Yuuri of his failing, his worst nightmare and leads him to the crossroads. There he meets the carriage again. It calls him on a trip to the mountain, to recline on Harada’s back and to lay down in the abandoned hut. To wait on… what?

He should have gone and taken that stage even for the price of breaking his leg again. His mind is trying to summon the images of Victor’s tousled hair in the morning, the faint circles under his eyes and the way his jinbei slides of his shoulder when he turns to Yuuri and takes in his scent. The beautiful heartwarming smile and veneration in Victor’s eyes.

Somehow it doesn’t work and Yuuri feels colder, hoarfrost creeping up his back. He finds his way back to their room stumbling around and he sits down at the drawing table. He clutches an unfinished fan in his hands, just to keep them busy. He doesn’t know how long he sits there, but when Victor returns, it’s quiet. Lights blown out and guests long retreated to their sleep. Yuuri watches Victor’s form move in the darkness. He feels lost. Victor cleans his face and undresses. He spreads the kimono on the futon, just as he promised and takes Yuuri by the hand, leading him down. Yuuri lets him and allows him to settle against his side.

“I missed you.” Victor whispers, his lips brushing against Yuuri’s clavicle as he does so. Yuuri feels Victor’s hand diving under the hem of his robe over his pectoral and the short nails scrape over his nipple lightly. Yuuri shivers but doesn’t find the strength to move just yet, trying to shake of the anxiety growing in his chest. It writhes inside his rib cage like disgruntled snakes. Snow falls in his mind, wind licks his shoulders and Yuuri numbly allows Victor to nibble on his lower lip. Victor nudges his nose against Yuuri’s and murmurs in his mouth. “You smell so nice. I want you so badly.”

Yuuri sees the white and red color. An image is conjured in his mind’s eye before he can see it coming. That dance, that dance… so familiar.

_Their lips are glistening scarlet with blood. Few droplets fall onto the loosely tied kimono, seep into the fabric and evaporate without a trace. Gentle yet sharply cut face appears from the shadow._

Victor stops in the middle of the kiss and removes his tongue from Yuuri’s mouth. His brows furrow in confusion, when he notices his husband's tense body and the lack of response to his kiss. 

“Yuuri? Are you alright?” He caresses Yuuri’s cheek with the back of his hand and leans over him to get a better look. When no answer comes, he prompts again. ”Love?”

Yuuri stares at Victor. The familiar warmth is there in Victor’s eyes, in the soft curve of his lips. The worry for Yuuri’s safety written all over his face. He feels his husband’s hand sliding to his leg out of habit to check its condition. Always this care, almost a synonym for Victor. When Yuuri thinks about it, since the first moment he met Victor, the man did nothing else than taking care of Yuuri.

“Talk to me, Yuu-chan, please.” Victor urges him on, wiping a tear from the corner of Yuuri’s eye away. He didn’t even notice he cried. “You can tell me anything. I love you no matter what.”

Yuuri takes a deep breath and holds on to Victor’s hands that are cupping his face. He is letting his tears flow freely as he confides to his lover.

“When I saw you dance tonight, I… I got scared.” The thumbs on his cheeks gently stroke his wet skin to show silent support. “You looked so beautiful out there in front of them all. I don’t think they will ever grasp what they witnessed tonight.” Victor frowns further, but doesn’t ask anything, letting Yuuri go at his own pace.

“It’s not the first time I have seen such a dance. I think I saw it once before. Five years ago. Vityenka, I… you looked so different! That dance was beautiful, perfect even! But… it felt so lonely and...cold.”

Yuuri wraps his palms over Victor’s forearms and takes a good look at his husband’s unreadable face. He is listening, trying hard to let Yuuri speak his mind. But there is also the hesitation… Victor’s eyes pierce into him more intently in the darkness. Even the heartbeat against Yuuri’s chest seems to slow down. 

Victor looks… frozen.

“Victor, five years ago… when Harada has taken me to the doctor, we sought out refuge from a snowstorm in an abandoned hut... Harada didn’t survive the night.”

“Yuuri...” Victor tries to interrupt and Yuuri can tell what he’s about to offer. He wants to be kind and not press Yuuri. He gives him space and a chance to go at his own pace. Victor meets him where he is. Therefor Yuuri takes a step towards Victor as well.

“No, I must tell you this. I have been running away from myself a long time. I must tell you what haunts me. I dreamed of becoming a dancer, performing in front of the emperor. But… then…” He swallows, letting Victor brush away the hair from his forehead and takes a few deep breaths so he can continue.

“That night in the hut. I think I saw a ghost. It was like it responded to my regrets. I wished so badly to dance again, I would plead to the devil himself for one more chance. That dance you performed tonight, I remember it… I have danced it with that ghost. I must have been dreaming it, it couldn’t have been real. Wishful thinking in delusion.”

Yuuri is absorbed in his confession, he clutches at Victor’s robes and doesn’t notice the cold emanating from it.

“I remember I was very happy in that dream. But your dance tonight, it was anything but joyful. It felt so lonely and...sad. I was terrified to see you like that. That dance from the dream and yours. They look the same but are so different. Victor, are you unhappy with me? Say, something...”

Yuuri reaches up to touch Victor who grows strangely quiet. His fringe is covering his eyes in shadow so it can’t catch the remnants of moonlight through the window. Yuuri doesn’t reach far. Air stops still in the room and the man above him rises higher, doesn’t lean onto him anymore in familiarity. 

Freezing cold hands on his face slide down his neck, as if they were spider’s legs. Long nails trail over his jawline and scrape his skin with their sharp edges. White hair brushes over Yuuri’s outstretched hand and it doesn’t make sense, because Victor’s hair isn’t so long. Except, it is long now, falling around them like a curtain and it’s no longer Victor’s kind voice talking to him.

“Yuuri, Yuuri…” A playful voice repeats his name without a single trace of affection he’s used to hear. “It wasn’t a dream.”

Yuuri stills.

“It was me. You asked me for a last dance and I have given it to you. On one condition… You have broken the promise.” The blue of Yuki-onna’s eyes glows in the dark, their purplish lips twist in grotesque mockery of a smile. “If you would have stayed silent, we could have been together. Forever and ever...”

What used to be Victor sits up completely, nested over Yuuri’s waist and tightens its hold on his neck.

“I will kill you now. I keep my promises, unlike you!” Contempt spits in the valley between them. The cold bites onto Yuuri. It’s not impassive, but fueled by frustration and hatred. “How dare you insult me with your words! How dare you calling me sad and lonely! You know nothing about loneliness and sadness!” The fingers obstruct his windpipe in an iron grip and the eyes above him gleam like the brightest stars. The blue flames burning tender skin exposed to the frost.

Yuuri can still see something left from Victor inside those eyes. He thinks on that one thing only. He has to let Victor know, before Yuuri disappears forever to the land of the dead. 

“Yes, I don’t know. But I dare. Because...” The fists press harder and sharp teeth are bared as Yuki-onna growls at Yuuri. But he tries anyway, since these might be the last words he’s going to say in the world of the living. “I was selfish, I thought I am not loved by anyone. I didn’t know what it is to care about someone deeply. I kept running away from you, doubting what you were offering. But I wanted to see you happy. I was scared you will regret spending your time with me. That you will see my shortcomings and they will repulse you.”

Yuuri takes hold of Yuki-onna’s wrists again and feels the frost bite into his warm palms. Clouds form from his mouth as he speaks. The blue eyes pierce through him, hanging on every words he’s saying. It hurts, his leg throbs, his chest is heavy even though the Yuki-onna is weightless and it’s hard to breath. It’s so cold, so very cold.

“If there is any Victor left inside of you, I must tell you. I was afraid you will leave. But I wanted to share my life with you. I wanted to believe that you love me. Why else would you want to heal me, why else would you jump in the hot spring after me? Did you just want to teach me and then abandon me once you have your fill with me?”

The claws retreat a little and Yuki-onna leans close to his face with eyes wide in outrage, slamming their fits beside Yuuri’s head.

“I loved you! I would have done anything for you! Because of you I wanted to be human again!!!”

“I know… Vityenka, you are… to me.” Yuuri doesn’t flinch in fright but reaches out once more to trace his thumb over Yuki-onna’s familiar shape of eyebrow, smiling in content. “If you felt even for a moment as human on my side again, than I am glad. I can die happy knowing my time had worth to you. I wish I could have met you as a human you were before. Perhaps figuring out what made you so sad. I wish our time wasn’t so brief. I am happy that from all people you have chosen me.”

A droplet falls on Yuuri’s cheek and he wipes it away in wonder. He looks up again and cards Yuki-onna’s hair to the side, so he can see their face. The ominous gleam from their eyes is gone and tears are rolling down their cheeks. Their lips are twisted in torment, so familiar to the moment when Yuuri seen Victor cry for the first time.

“Yuuri, I didn’t know you could be so selfish.” Yuuri doesn’t know what to say to that so he stays silent and listens. “You break a vow, you know I’m going to kill you and...you thank me for picking you? Don’t you want to fight for your life? Does it mean so little to you, that you choose to accept the death so easily? You just want to make me feel lonely again.” The familiar voice of his husband is back, sounding as the sweetest melody and Yuuri doesn’t lose his chance. Their chance.

“Victor, please stay with me, with us. Let me love you more, properly this time. Please… come back. If you can’t, then take me with you. I never want you to feel lonely again.”

The hair around them is disappearing and Victor’s skin is getting its natural color again. The claws are retreating and his hands leave Yuuri’s throat. The tears keep falling from Victor’s eyelashes like the translucent pearls. “Yuuri, I can’t… you don’t know what you’re asking for.”

“Victor, please… don’t leave. There must be a way… I’ll do anything!” Yuuri grabs a hold of Victor’s hips tightly to keep him in place. He knows Victor could shake him off easily, but he tries anyway. His husband takes his hands and leads them to his own lips, kissing his knuckles and wrists, rubbing his face on them as if to rub of Yuuri’s scent on himself for memory. 

“Yuuri, hold me. Hold me tight. Don't let go of me tonight. Show me how much you love me.” Victor begs drowning in sadness. Yuuri’s throat clenches from hurt at that sight and he scrambles in despair to get his lover in his arms, to cover as much of his body with his own. The need to hide Victor from the hurt is overwhelming and Yuuri feels like he has the power to shelter him. They fall in each others embrace, limbs intertwining like thick rope tying them firmly to the ground. 

Yuuri whispers over and over again in between the kisses “I love you, I love you.” Not a single bit of Victor’s skin is left untouched. His fingertips glide over Victor’s nape and dive into his fine hair, tilting his head for a searing kiss. Yuuri pours all in it what he’s got. Their chests connect, bare and Yuuri feels Victor’s rabbit heartbeat on his own. Never had he seen Victor so vulnerable and wanting. It’s more than a simple passion, it’s need to truly become one, to leave marks and traces on each other, so they never feel alone again.

Victor’s heart is crying and Yuuri chants a phrase, which feels like it will never be enough. Will never mend the hurt he caused. “Forgive me.”

His lover mewls twisting in his hold, wrapping his legs on Yuuri’s waist, pulling him closer with his heels. “I’m melting, Yuuri! Hold me. Never let me go!”

Yuuri rest his forehead on Victor’s as he slips his fingers over his hardness. They writhe in hunger and Yuuri licks his way bit by bit down Victor’s chest and spreads his legs wide apart. He doesn’t wait and takes him in his mouth, burning his cock with hot tongue. The man gasps and holds onto Yuuri’s hair. Saliva drips down Victor’s balls and Yuuri laps after them soon in effort to catch it. He doesn’t manage, because the wetness spreads in between the buttocks and Yuuri follows it down to the sensitive hole. It tastes strong like chestnut honey and his husband is sobbing, calling his name grabbing after him again and again. 

Yuuri obliges frantically and dips into Victor’s arm like a wave into the sea, hoping he can envelop him just like water. Victor sucks at his throat and leaves bite marks on Yuuri’s chest, when the sensation from fingers stretching him is too much to handle, the pleasure being too intense. Plea after plea falls onto Yuuri’s earlobe, the tongue slips in his mouth deep and steals his breath. Cool hands pull at his waist and his cheeks. Victor implores wordlessly and Yuuri trembles from the sensation as they both guide him inside Victor’s heat. He moans in his arms, riding his length, not wanting to move too much, just so they can stay connected as close as possible. 

“Victor, wait...” the young man holds his lover in place, sensing his tremors crashing over him in waves. “...wait.” The rocking is soon frenzied and if Yuuri didn’t know better, he’d think Victor is in actual physical pain, looking at his tear stained face.

“Yuuri, please! I’m burning. Hold me closer!” Victor grinds on top of him, the pleasure consuming them both and then Victor sucks onto Yuuri’s jugular. He bites hard and Yuuri finally understands. He let’s him draw his blood and dips his fingers into Victor’s buttocks, giving him support. He sets a faster pace, bottoming out and meeting Victor’s hips descending on him. Yuuri knows Victor wants him to feel like he’s melting too. And he does. They both do melt in each other when Yuuri buries himself into Victor to the hilt. They reach the peak of their pleasure fast.

Yet the need doesn’t disappear and they cling to each other in sweat and tears, whispering their names against their hair. Kisses are places on their eyelids, nose and cheeks. And for a moment when the glowing heat from their bodies settles mixed well, Yuuri can see the bliss in Victor’s face and believes all the pain is gone. They are truly joined together at last.

Sleep takes them and they don’t even manage to cover each other. He hears Victor’s words as he slips away. “Never let me go, Yuuri. Love me and I’ll never leave.” On instinct he tightens his hold around his lover and then he knows nothing.

***

Morning comes as Mari’s voice wakes him up. Victor is not in the room, nor the things he usually leaves around. Yuuri doesn’t take any chances and rushes through the door into the common room. The sudden overwhelming pain in his leg almost makes him buckle in the knees, but he preserves and approaches his parents. Victor is still nowhere in sight.

“Mother, where is Victor? Have you seen him?”

She blinks in surprise and turns her head in dismissal. Toshiya inquires with interest: “I don’t think we have a guest like that checked in today. Who do you mean?”

Yuuri can hardly breathe and tastes bile on his tongue. He held onto Victor just yesterday, he was there in his grasp! He complied with all his efforts! Victor said…

A small bundle in Hiroko’s arms catches Yuuri’s attention. He approaches and his mother lets him take a closer look. She explains, that they found the baby on the doorstep in the evening. It was fighting for it’s life until the sunrise. That’s when the fever froke. Yuuri doesn’t listen properly, he just stares and takes the infant from her surprised grasp. 

He observes the white tuft on its head, the huge brilliant blue eyes. They watch each other not even blinking once. Yuuri’s chest remembers to breathe again and relief washes over him. He knows. He crumbles to the floor clutching the baby carefully to his chest and Hiroko rushed to him.

“Oh, Yuuri, hush! I know it’s sad he was left behind like that, but we will help to find him a new family. Don’t cry, alright?” She strokes his hair in the show of support and Yuuri chokes out in between the sobbing.

“I’ll keep him. As if he was mine.”

Mari enters the room and together with the rest of the Katsuki’s she gasps. “No way! Are you kidding me?!”

Toshiya smiles, crossing his arms on his chest and asks Yuuri: “How will we call him?”

“Victor.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> There is a sequel now - [Summer Flower](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11795613/chapters/26604630).
> 
> This is taking lyrics from [Madonna's Frozen](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XS088Opj9o0).  
> There is a [wip playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLTLVtgvLm08l0zpyugfx4t-Sa60S3ur8-) I made for this fanfiction if you'd be interested. 
> 
> Eof made a very cute gif-set of Victor as Yuki-onna. You can see it [here](https://eof-doodles.tumblr.com/post/164066145925/because-we-all-need-a-smiling-yuki-onna-after-that). Thank you so much!!!
> 
> Now with more fanart: [Yuuri and Victor switching](http://saniika.tumblr.com/post/173590748034/frozen-for-my-fanfic-chap4-i-wrote-some-time).

**Author's Note:**

> This is taking lyrics from [Madonna's Frozen](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XS088Opj9o0).  
> There is a [wip playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLTLVtgvLm08l0zpyugfx4t-Sa60S3ur8-) I made for this fanfiction if you'd be interested.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Could I have this dance forever?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13115112) by [Qwertzu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qwertzu/pseuds/Qwertzu)




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